Thoughts of Death
by Green Crayons
Summary: Who knows what exactly you’re thinking minutes before you die? Maybe you’re regretting a decision or pleading for the safety of your loved ones. A little insight on exactly what our beloved characters were thinking and feeling before they died. SPOILERS!
1. Lily Potter

Disclaimer- I don't own Harry Potter.

Author's Note- I had the sudden urge to write this story, I don't exactly know why though. I'll still work on my other stories, but I just really wanted to write this one. I'll do other chapters of different characters who died like – James, Sirius, Remus, Tonks, Dumbledore, Snape, and Fred. (Maybe some others that come to mind.)

Summary- Who knows what exactly you're thinking minutes before you die? Maybe you're regretting a decision or pleading for the safety of your loved ones. Find out exactly what our beloved characters were thinking about their untimely deaths.

**Chapter One**

**Lily Evans**

**January 30, 1960 - October 31, 1981**

I had never given much thought to how I would have died. I supposed something like dying in my sleep was my favorite option, but I would have picked James's arms out of all. When I died I thought I'd be leaving behind the many children and the new family James and I had made. The family we had always wanted, but never got.

I suppose I thought I'd be the old grandmum who spoiled her grandchildren to death, although I would have bet a million galleons James would have succeeded at doing that. We'd live in a little cottage in Godric's Hollow filled with memories and pictures of our very complex but well worth life. I would have been seventy at least, not twenty one. I would have had a full grown child, not an infant who needed his mum and dad. I would have had I ever dreamt if he hadn't done the most disgusting the thing on earth.

Tears still flood my eyes whenever I recall the dark memory. I had left him behind, James did too. He had to live those horrible eleven years with my sister, her whale of a husband, and that horrible git of a son. We lost those chances to throw him those birthdays' parties and those chances to get angry and ground him. We lost the chance to a full experience of parenthood, and he lost his experience to a good childhood. I have wished countless times that perhaps James could have at least stayed, so Harry would have someone. If not his mum, his remarkable father would do just as well.

_"James," I screamed as loud as I could. My sweating hand was gripping as tight as I could to his with Harry in my other arm. Tears were streaming down my eyes faster than ever. I couldn't let go, I couldn't let HIM ruin everything James and I had. _

_His face looked distressed with a mixture of fear as he whispered, "Lily it'll be alright. He won't ruin our family. I promise nothing will happen to you or Harry." He promised me and even if only one had been fulfilled it had been enough. _

_Tears were falling down my face harder and I couldn't stop them. I couldn't let go of him. I just couldn't. A high cold laughter erupted from outside the door. "JAMES!" I screamed louder gripping onto his hand and Harry with everything I had in me. _

_He looked at me his eyes now too watering. It was over; we were no match for him. But how, how did he know where we were. Surely Wormtail didn't tell him, he was our friend. "Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off."_

_"James," I whimpered. _

_"Lily now!" he screamed in my face even though I knew it wasn't on purpose. Slowly, but surely I untangled my hands from his and sped up the stairs. I clutched onto Harry tighter and ran faster than my legs could possibly allow. Panicking I tried to choose a room, although it didn't quite matter. I dashed into Harry's room squeezing him so tight he was sobbing. The noise, the pain was all too much. I wanted to go back downstairs and find James. I want to hold James and Harry in my arms together again. I wanted everything back._

_Reluctantly I brought Harry to the corner beside his crib and hugged him tighter. My heart was ready to beat out of my chest. My face was more like a pool then anything else. I breathed heavily choking back the tears while Harry's sobs accompanied them. _

_I heard the sounds of someone stumbling from a room – a door bursting open – a cackle of high pitched laughter--. My mind was racing, where in the hell was James? Was he alright? Oh Merlin, I prayed that it would just be me that had to go, not my beloved husband or my precious baby. _

_"Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry!" I whimpered somehow hoping that bargaining would work with this evil man. _

_"Stand aside you silly girl, stand aside now." His voice was high and cold as he told me to move out of the way. I wrapped Harry in my arms, shielding him. I wouldn't let Harry be hurt, over my dead body. _

_"Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead!" I pleaded. It seemed like all the tears that everyone in the whole entire world had ever cried were now bottled up in me ready to burst. "Not Harry! Please…have mercy…have mercy…Harry." My son's name, the beautiful son that I loved so much, was the last word that I had ever said. _

_He had a grin on his face as he pointed to his wand to my chest. I had no chance to fight even I wanted to, my wand was downstairs. "__Avada Kedavra." A bright green light flashing was the last thing I had seen with the shrill voice laughing in the background. I had left Harry. I had failed as a Mum._

I've thought about it for a while, what I could have done differently. _Nothing. _As much as James and I would have loved to have that life with children and everything else, things seemed to turn out all right. My son endured those eleven miserable years and the six long summers with my sister with her family. He made wonderful friends at Hogwarts; he was like his Dad a bit. Now that was something James was quite proud of. He had escaped Voldemort five too many times than I had preferred. He had his godfather and Remus, along with the Weasley family. Even if Harry didn't have us, he had it pretty good. My son got married to a beautiful girl and they had children, one who was named after me. My son defeated Voldemort, the evil being who took my life. My own son defeated the most evil wizard in the world, and for that I'll be forever proud to call myself his mum.

I learned Wormtail had told Voldemort. A punch below the belt, James always referred to it as that. We trusted him, Peter. James considered him to be one of his best friends, and I can't say that I suspected him even once. Not a second of my life. After graduating Hogwarts he didn't visit James and I as much as Sirius and Remus did. We had no idea why, although we simply predicted he was studying something in a far land. Sirius would make crack jokes of how he had joined forces with Voldemort, now we know that was nothing to joke about. We should have checked on him, steered him away from Voldemort. I don't hate Wormtail much like James does, but I'm more disappointed in him. I'm disappointed that he had to be so ignorant in the fact we'd do anything to help him, but when we needed his help he betrayed us.

I could never blame Sirius for him suggesting using Wormtail as our secret-keeper. He didn't know, just like us. Sirius was actually trying to help and I'll be forever grateful that he did. I couldn't ask for anyone else to be a better godfather.

I, Lily Evans, may have died an earlier death than I hoped and I may have left behind my much-loved son, but it turned out to be all right. I still have James and someday, hopefully a very long time, I will have Harry too.

**Hm, well I don't know. It didn't turn out all that well, but whatever. Should I bother to continue? Review and tell me what you think!**


	2. James Potter

Disclaimer- I do not own Harry Potter.

Author's Note: Yes all the dates correct, I try to get as exact as I can but some characters birthdays and death dates are unknown. **Review!**

**Chapter Two**

**James Potter**

**March 27, 1960-Ocotober 31, 1981**

It seemed surreal to me, how perfect my life truly was. I was married to the perfect woman, and she gave me a son. A son that greatly resembled me, how great was that?! We lived in a little quaint little cottage in the center of Godric's Hollow. Our house was bursting with pictures and memories of the three of us. Sirius and Remus would regularly visit and play with baby Harry. Harry quickly became accustomed to both of them and called them 'Moony' and 'Padfoot'. It seemed that I, James Potter, had gotten everything my heart desired. I had married the woman of my dreams, I had a son, and my best mates and I were still friends. It seemed as though nothing could break apart the world Lily and I built, except for _him. _

The news that we had to go into hiding nearly shattered Lily into pieces. I'd find her awake crying in the middle of night over Harry's crib.

_I silently tip toed down the hall pass the many pictures that dressed the walls. I rounded the corner and into Harry's room. There she was yet again, crying. Her hands were draped over the crib as a silent tears fell from her face. She stayed in structured statue for a few moments before I walked up behind her. Not wanting to frighten her, she was already afraid enough, I draped my arm around her waist. Quietly I whispered, "Lily, it'll be alright."_

_She looked up at me, her eyes puffy and red. I took my free hand and wiped the tears that were strewn across her face. She buried herself into me as I hugged her tightly. I never wanted to let go of her. "James," she whimpered as she looked out the window. It was a cold October morning, the day of Halloween. October 31, it was three in the morning. "James, I'm just so afraid that he'll find us."_

_I squeezed her tighter and whispered, "Please Lily, don't be. Wormtail won't betray us, we'll be fine. I'll never let anything happen to you or Harry. I promise." She held on tighter and let out another sob. _

_"I don't want to leave him, Harry needs us."_

_"Yeah who knows what may happen if Sirius raises him," I chuckled softly hoping to lighten the atmosphere. _

_"James, this no time to joke," she sternly addressed me. The look in her emerald eyes told me enough, she was terrified. _

_"I'm sorry, Lily." I apologized pulling away from her. I placed her face in my hands and began, "Lils let's get some sleep, alright?"_

_She nodded slowly and asked, "Can we bring Harry? I don't want him in here alone, without us."_

_"Of course we can," I responded. I let her face free and scooped Harry into my arms. He was so peaceful as he silently slept. I held him close to my chest and took Lily's hand into mine. We walked solemnly back to our room, not saying a word. _

_As we were back in our room I could feel myself beginning to tear up. I couldn't cry though, not in front of Lily. I needed to be strong for her and Harry. She sat on the side of the bed far for me and buried her face into her hands. I set Harry in a white and blue cradle and pulled it to the side of the bed. I couldn't bear to be away from either of them. I slowly propped myself onto the bed and stared at her. There was nothing I could really do. I hated to see her cry. I pulled her back and hugged her tightly. "Lily, I promise."_

_"I trust you, James," she sniffled. She lifted her head up and tried to smile. Her half smile was accompanied with an "I love you."_

_"I love you too," I whispered back and I leaned in to kiss her. _

There was nothing in the world I wanted more in the world, to make sure they were safe. I wished countless times that it could have just been me who had to go, not Lily. No one deserves to grow up without their Mum, especially if your mum was a great as Lily. We had been in hiding too long; we'd been in that house for far too long. We had been afraid for too much long. I just wanted Lily to be happy and safe, the same for Harry.

The memory of her face as the moments of our death crept up on us was too much bear. I had never seen her so scared, she had never held onto me so tightly.

_"James," she screamed gripping my hand. Our hands were sweating with fear and we were slowly grasp was loosening. Her face was covered in tears and she was shaking her head. Harry was at her side and he looked so clam. I was just glad that he didn't know what was happening. His bright green eyes were full of live, and they needed to be for much longer. _

_Distressed I whispered to her, "Lily it'll be alright. He won't ruin our family. I promise nothing will happen to you or Harry." I promised everything I knew would happen or at least I hoped. If Lily didn't make it, I'd never forgive myself. I could never live with the guilt of knowing she had died, because of me. _

_She began crying harder as she grabbed my hand harder and I seized her back. A high cold laughter came from the door and I couldn't stop the mental pain that was rushing through my brain. How in the hell did he find us? Wormtail couldn't of told, he wasn't even associated with Voldemort. No, it just didn't make sense. Peter was a marauder, one of my best mates. He'd never betray me or Lily, never. "JAMES!"_

"_Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off," I screamed in her face hoping she'd get the message. I'd never want to scream like that at her, but she needed to go. _

_"James," she whimpered. She was now more than crying, more than sobbing. I just wanted to run and hold her and Harry tight in my arms and never let go. I had to let them be safe though, I loved them too much. I had to sacrifice myself for the good of my family whom I loved so dearly. _

_"Lily now!" I shrieked. She slowly wrenched her hand out of mine, although I wish we could of held each other a bit longer. She gave me one last look and mouthed 'I love you' and I mouthed them back. It was the last time I saw Lily alive before she sped up the stairs with Harry. I could hear him starting to cry as they were upstairs. _

_The door thrust open and he stood there, looking pleased with himself. He let out another cackle and strode towards me. I cowered under the presence of him. I shouldn't have though; I was a member of the Order of the Phoenix. I would not let Voldemort take away my family. My Lily. My Harry. _

_"No, please," I begged rummaging my back pockets for my wand. Damn it, I had left it in the kitchen. If only I hadn't helped Lily make that stupid pie. If only…_

_He laughed again and pointed his wand to my chest. He dug it in hard and I couldn't help but to freeze like ice. My legs were numb and I couldn't outrun him. "How?! Who told you we where here?" I demanded. I was about to die, I had a right to know. _

_"Your dear old friend Wormtail did what he does best. He's a spy for me, didn't you know?" he laughed with pleasure. How could one person be so evil? _

_My expression was blank. "No," I denied it shaking my head. Wormtail? There was no way. That God damn asshole told where my family was. _

_"Yes, " he replied back in a high pitched tone. _

_"NO! You will not take my family away from me!" I screamed. This wasn't happening; this had to be a dream, a nightmare really. _

_He jabbed his wand harder into my chest and opened his mouth. I trembled and pictured the last time we had been happy. It was Harry's first birthday and we were all in the living room. Remus, Sirius, Lily, and I were all there as he struggled to open his presents. No Wormtail, of course. How could I have been so blind? Why did Sirius suggest we switch to him? Why didn't we use Dumbledore when we had the chance? All their happy faces were the last things I saw before he said the incantation, "Avada Kedavra!"_

_A bright green light was the thing I saw. I had left Lily behind, the woman I loved more than anything in the world. I had left Harry, and now we'd never get those chances to play Quidditch. _

I had contemplated things in my head over and over again. I would have gone back and made Dumbledore our secret-keeper. That way Sirius would never have suggested we use Wormtail and he would have never betrayed us. Lily continually tells me it was for the best though. Without our deaths Harry would never have gone to defeat Voldemort. I would never have the chance to call him _my _son, Lily's too of course.

Learning Wormtail had been choked by the hand Voldemort was a bit of a present to me, if you will. I never had the chance to forgive him and I don't think I ever will. I would have died for him, to protect him. I know Remus and Sirius would have done the same. I still don't get why he even became a spy for Voldemort. He had decent enough OWL scores that he could have gotten a well paid career. He could have had what Lily and I did. He could have, but he choose not to.

My own son named a child after me, how awesome is that? Yes I know, quite great. Although I still don't get why he named one of them after Snivelly, but Severus did protect him all those year which I'll be forever grateful for. I, James Potter, may have died an early death, but I wouldn't of had it any other way.

**I don't know why but writing James, to me, was a little bit sadder. ****Sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes, I didn't really proofread it. ****Anyways review and Sirius is next!**


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